I didn't realize just how much I was missing my stitching until I was able to pick it up again after all that has happened. I have spent the last couple of days working through the blocks in Carnival, the newest in my cross stitched quilt block designs. It is a strange bit of calm chaos, which probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense to anyone else but me.
The colors pop and move, and yet there is a calm flow to it. It has been very meditative for me. In some ways, it is a pretty accurate depiction of my life as of late. Bits of crazy, and me, trying so hard to find a way to keep it all pulled together in a way that makes sense. Sometimes I succeed. Other times, not so much. And yet the entire picture as it comes together reassures me that everything will piece itself together as it is meant to.
I had plans for the first months of the new year. Some of those plans will be different now. A few will be tucked away for now because it just wouldn't feel right to go through with those things now that he is gone. He might very well argue with me about it, but I think I need to let those dreams, those plans, go and rethink a few things. Things are going well with my art, and he was so happy to be taking part in all of it. It's bittersweet right now. I am not sure when or how that will change.